To Bully or Not to Bully:That is the Question

Out of all the articles I wanted to write for this month’s issue, this was not one of them, but the gutter mentality of school-yard bullies who use the online arena to viciously and cruelly attack those connected to Michael Jackson’s world, and this includes attacks by fans themselves, is a continuing and disturbing trend. Some exchanges I have read recently have disgusted me with the humiliating, degrading, abusive and foul verbiage. It literally made me cringe.

Perhaps some people just don’t care or realize that by engaging in this sort of behavior, not only does it diminish their worth in the eyes of others, but also the worth of their victims. This is exactly what Michael Jackson had to deal with from the media and others throughout his life. And we are angered by it aren’t we? Don’t we rebut and counteract where and whenever possible? Why then, do we think it’s acceptable to put others through the same suffering Michael had to endure?

I sense certain arrogance in some people. It leads them to believe that their opinion is the only one that counts, their voice is the only one that should be heard and their truth is the only one that should be believed. If you don’t agree with them then obviously you have it all wrong and to all intents and purposes, you don’t know what you are talking about. This just doesn’t occur within the fan community, but also in other sectors and industries and is often a key factor in the disintegration of family, matrimonial and work relationships, friendships, governmental structure, religious groups and all manner of human relations.

We have all disagreed with someone else’s opinion at some point in time. We might argue and get a little hot under the collar, but most of us don’t declare open season on that person by calling them names, ridiculing and sometimes threatening them for not agreeing with us, especially in a public arena. For those who do, the question is why?

It is a misconception that most bullies have low self-esteem. Research has shown that most people who bully have an average or even high self-esteem and they often share similar behavioral and personality characteristics. They show aggressive behavior patterns, they like to dominate others, they need to be in control and win, they feel no remorse and refuse to accept any responsibility for their behavior. It also appears that bullies believe they will get some sort of social mileage or recognition for the act and in turn become very popular. As most of the bullying I have witnessed has occurred on Twitter and Facebook, I am inclined believe there is truth in this.

The social-cyber bully uses their new found status and followers to “freeze” out or humiliate other individuals and groups who oppose their opinions, beliefs and viewpoints. Sound familiar? But, nobody truly respects a bully and although they may have followers, they have no real friends. Nobody trusts a bully.

Sadly, with this behavior occurring within the fan community, it reflects a distorted image of us as a whole; an image we are trying to maintain as one of intelligent and rational people. If we continue to allow our buttons to be pushed, if we continue to interact with these people by countering their attacks, by using retaliative measures, then we are giving them what they seek and that is attention!  We can’t afford to sink into the quicksand of their mindset and hinder the serious work we are engaged in.

I understand very well how hard it is to keep emotions in check when feeling so strongly about something dear to the heart. Emotions strain to break free; feelings rise up and rebel against the control our minds try to have over them. But, as ambassadors for Michael Jackson and “Keepers” of the truth, (and ambassadors is exactly what we are) then we have a duty to Michael himself to remain composed and not cross the line that he himself drew for us by the way he conducted himself throughout his life. Yes, Michael had his moments of justifiable anger and outbursts, but his anger was never sent forth with damaging intent. He didn’t have in him to be mean-spirited.

Bullying is an unacceptable behavior and observing or participating in it leaves a bad taste in everybody’s mouth, including those who observe Michael Jackson fans and develop a distaste for them and him by association.

And what do we do about the bullies? Ignore them, block them and report them. Delete their comments and make none of our own toward them. If we cut off their food supply they will eventually starve from lack of popularity, look for other feeding grounds or decide to change their diet.

Further reading on bullying:

http://www.michaeljacksontributeportrait.com/article.php?article_id=321
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rev-barbara-kaufmann/bullying-not-just-for-pla_b_807389.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rev-barbara-kaufmann/arizona-shooting-violence_b_809250.html

Pledge of Peace:
http://www.michaeljacksontributeportrait.com/article.php?article_id=238

By Valmai Owens© 2011. All Rights Reserved.
No reproduction without permission from author.

This interview appears in the publication Dot to Dot: Keeping Michael’s Legacy Alive,

http://mjtpmagazine.presspublisher.us/
and its content is the property of the authors and the Michael Jackson Tribute Portrait. Articles and exclusive interviews are copyrighted; therefore there should be no republication without permission. You may email edito@michaeljacksontributeportrait.com with any requests for republication. If permission is given, credit must be given to the author, Dot to Dot: Keeping Michael's Legacy Alive and the Michael Jackson Tribute Portrait.

The World We Live In

Written for the Michael Jackson Tribute Portrait, 11/10/2010.

If I were to be asked to describe my life over the last sixteen or so months, I would have to say it’s been like stepping into another world. Here in this world there is a central core of light filled with magic, wonderment, discovery and love, but it is also surrounded by shadows. They hover around the edges enticing the stray wanderer to step into the darkness. Some willingly enter and set up permanent residence. A few have taken a peek out of curiosity and lingered awhile, while others  having once seen what lie in wait for them, run away as quickly as they can. Negativity, greed, envy, spite, self-serving egos and malicious untruths are a major part of this world, and there can be no escape from that part of human nature that lives and flourishes within the shadows. This was Michael’s world for most of his life; it has now become ours.

It has been said that taking a walk through the numerous fan communities, pre-existing and newly formed since Michael’s death, is akin to navigating a minefield. One wrong move and you could find yourself shattered into a million pieces. Having ventured into this realm I would have to agree, in part. I have been witness to the angry outbursts between fans, read the disparaging and often hateful comments left by others, had snide comments made to me by someone who believed I should be taking a more active role in seeking justice for Michael, by abusing my position with the MJTP, and used as a platform to launch a personal agenda through lies and subterfuge. This experience in particular left me wondering how Michael maintained the way he did for so long; how he still had the capacity to love when surrounded by so many lies, both from the media and people he trusted, and surrounded by those who used him as a means to an end.

I am sure I am not the only fan who has experienced these things. It appears that some believe their groups, forums, discussions and opinions are the only ones that count. That if you aren’t an activist you aren’t a real fan; that if you aren’t donating to a certain cause, writing hysterical and incoherent letters to the media, posting vitriolic comments to members of Michael’s family or to those that oppose you, then you can’t possibly be a true fan. I have to ask why these people think they are any truer when clearly acting in direct contrast to everything Michael was and believed in?

It saddens me that parts of our community are divided, when in reality if we want to vindicate Michael’s name and continue his legacy, we should be united. It saddens me that there are some who have infiltrated the fan community to use it as a means to their own end. That their only purpose in being here is to use Michael’s name to launch themselves into the spotlight, and to give the impression they are doing some good while collecting followers like trophies. They trick people into believing they care about the cause, but if you look closely at their dealings and connections, you will see that they are building monuments for themselves upon lies and deceit. This was Michael’s world for most of his life; it has now become ours.

As Michael sought refuge away from the eyes of the world, more and more fans are seeking their own respite from the savage attacks, bullying, and infighting. They are closing down Facebook pages and Twitter accounts; dissolving groups and cancelling membership to various websites. Disgusted and disheartened, verbally beaten and bruised, they are going to ground to lick their wounds. Some may never return, while others may never be able to trust again, but it is so important for us to reach out to them in the hope that they might. Through us we can bring them back by showing that there is positive good working within the fan communities. We can show them; we can build their trust again and open their eyes to all the beautiful rays of light everywhere, who are working so diligently to vindicate Michael’s name and continue his legacy.

Groups, causes, petitions, projects and individuals have achieved so much, and have done so with love and respect, without anger or hate, without greed or misrepresentation. Look at A Million Trees for Michael, Michael’s Angels, the Sunflower Project, the Martin Bashir Petition, the Michael Jackson Legacy Defamation Law Petition, Uncover Michael Jackson’s Name (The Gardner St. School Issue Campaign), just a few of the countless works that have been successful or are still in progress, and this doesn’t include the thousands of fans who are donating to charities, helping in their communities and reaching out their hands to others, all in Michael’s name.

I believe we are all connected through our love for Michael. I believe that each of us has a role and a purpose. I believe Michael has handed us each a piece to a giant puzzle. We are the pieces and we have to find where in the puzzle we fit so we can complete the whole picture. Some may find their role is to actively seek justice for Michael or to vindicate his name, others may find their roles more passive or creative, but all are equally important to completing the puzzle. No one is better than another, no one is more important than another. We are all equal here.

I think it’s also important to realize that everything we say and do as fans has an impact on Michael’s legacy. We already have a reputation with the media and the world at large, for being hysterical and crazy. If we want anyone to take us seriously and what we are trying to achieve, then we have to approach people in a calm, rational, respectful and intelligent manner. Calling people names, hurling accusations and making libelous statements, not only puts us on the same level as the media, but further diminishes Michael in their eyes.

I think this is why I love the MJTP so much because here people are embraced not attacked, here people are accepted not rejected, here a haven has been created not a war zone, and here people are united through love and share a common purpose without ulterior motives. If only this had been the world Michael had lived in. What a difference that would have made.

© Valmai Owens, 2010. All Rights Reserved.

No reproduction without permission from author.

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHNRYlbW_uw

http://www.michaeljacksontributeportrait.com/home.php

Continue His Legacy: Become His Voice

Written for the Michael Jackson Tribute Portrait, 7,29,2010



As a proud Michael Jackson fan and Team Member of this wonderful Tribute Portrait, I am enthusiastic about wearing my MJ pins and related jewelry to work, and I carry my business cards to hand out to anyone who I think would be interested in joining us on this site. Fortunately my Manager tolerates my, as she calls it, “Obsessive Michael Jackson Syndrome, “but some of my co-workers and customers are not so open-minded.

While I can overlook any personal remarks directed towards my involvement with the MJTP, it’s a little more difficult to ignore the slurs and innuendo’s directed toward Michael.  As protective as I am of his name, it’s imperative for me to defend and protect it against these negative comments. I respond with love by directing people to read The Michael Jackson Conspiracy, by Aphrodite Jones and Michael’s Moonwalk, Dancing The Dream, and Oxford Speech, when really all I want to do sometimes is verbally chastise them for their ignorance. That was not Michael’s way and therefore I will not allow it to be mine.

I came to the understanding awhile ago that a lot of these comments are made without a clear knowledge or understanding of who Michael really was and what he stood for. Not Michael the musical genius and Pop icon, but Michael the man and great humanitarian; a man who did so much to change and inspire the lives of millions of people.

Often people form opinions based on what they read in the tabloids and quickly regard it as the truth simply because it’s in print. Prejudging something or someone is a human fault that a lot of us have been guilty of at some point in time. I will be honest and say I have, but as dot members and fans, we have a unique opportunity through our connection to each other and the Tribute Portrait to teach others about the real Michael. We can set examples for others as Michael did for us by what we are doing in our own lives, work environments, communities and further afield, thus ensuring that his legacy and message is continued. We can inspire others to make a change by changing ourselves and becoming more actively aware of the importance in becoming his voice.

Out of all the great humanitarians in our age, Martin Luther King Jr, Mahatma Gandhi, and Mother Theresa to name a few, Michael’s concern encompassed more than just one cause. He was affected by everything from our environment to equal rights, peace, famine and the future of our world, the children. This perhaps was closest to his heart. Not having a childhood himself, Michael understood the importance of experiencing the joy and freedom of just being a kid, but he also understood that healing the world extended beyond healing the relationships between parents and children. It meant raising awareness of ecological issues and climate change before it was too late; before the face of our planet changed forever. One of his greatest fears was that his children would grow up in a world unrecognizable to what we have taken for granted for so long.

From changing the face of music to changing the face of the human heart, Michael touched us on a very spiritual level, reaching deep into our souls. His love was enormous, he felt things so deeply and stood up and spoke out for what he believed in. His message is perhaps the most important to ever be heard and we can’t allow his voice to become drowned out by the noise of life and controversy. On his behalf, we can carry his beautiful light into the world; we can become his voice and we can truly make the changes he so ardently believed in and bled for.

“In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe.”

©Valmai Owens, 2010. All Rights Reserved.

No reproduction without permission from author.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kie1nH7_ntk

http://www.michaeljacksontributeportrait.com/home.php

Michael and His Fans: An Inspiration of Hope

If we start living peace instead of just dreaming it,

then we will be living Michael's legacy!

Written for the Michael Jackson Tribute Portrait, 6/18/2010

There is no scale from which one can measure the level of pain that is felt after losing someone you love. Whether it is through death, divorce, changes in geographical locations or the agony of separation that is felt between two lovers who have drifted apart, the emptiness that ensues is deep and everlasting. Grief does not come with a set of instructions. If it did, I imagine it would read somewhat like a recipe.

Preparation and Cook Time: Will vary according to different elevations of grief.

Ingredients:

3 quarts of Pain                                                                       2 gallons of Tears

2 pints of Loneliness                                                                8 cups of Why?

4 cups of Denial                                                                       2 ½ cups of Anger

A pinch of Hope

Combine all ingredients in a broken heart and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and let simmer until mixture is reduced by half. This can take anywhere from a few years to a lifetime.

Allow to cool. Pour into air-tight containers and store deep within your soul. Contents will stay fresh forever.

Serve with a side of memories and garnish with unshed tears.

One year after Michael’s sudden and tragic death, there are some who are still trying to come to terms with the loss, while others are struggling to find that elusive answer to the question - why? But as we look back on the last twelve months, there is one thing that remains unchanged. We are still standing together as a family; united by love and our dedication to ensuring Michael’s memory and legacy live on. Drawing strength from each other through our connected dots, the importance of carrying Michael’s dream into another year is as valid today as it was June 25, 2009. Perhaps even more so, because a dream lost is a future without hope.

Dreams are the mind drifting toward imagination

Imagination is the mind struggling to realize its potential
Potential is something we all possess, but often fail to act upon
What we fail to act upon leads to regrets and lost hope
Regrets and lost hope cause us to think of what might have been
What might have been is the dream we had of a brighter future
A brighter future was the dream Michael had for the world
Let this dream become ours, so we can assure a better tomorrow

“It’s all about L.O.V.E.,” Michael said, “Love is the answer.” So let us remember today, nor forget tomorrow, that yesterday Michael had a dream; an inspiration of hope that has become ours to carry forward in his memory.

R.I.P. Michael, we love you more!

Cycle of Seasons

It is not by my own design that I have been lead to this state of mind, nor did another’s hand guide me here. For how could I have known? How could I have foreseen these events that would bring me to my knees?

Had I been given a choice whether to embark upon this journey I would have declined, for I have arrived at my destination the same from whence I began, and that is with the knowledge of your absence from this life. The profound truth has been mine to face, but, while my acceptance has brought me a measure of calm the pain still lives within, hidden until that defining moment when memories come unbidden. It is on these occasions that I question the reasons why you departed, and seek to find some trace of past happiness from which to draw from. Some trace of a time not long ago when I knew my place in this universe however naively I perceived it.

Everything has altered and this world seems so much smaller now without your heart beating in time with mine. You took with you the warmth from my sun, leaving behind this imperfect light that has tinged my days since with sadness. Where once I found pleasure in the long hot days of summer and crystal clear nights spent under the stars, no more joy could I find in this season. It became a barren wasteland and I found myself imprisoned by the shadows cast by my grief. In this darkness I dwelt and my soul wept in silence through the changing of the leaves. As fall winds scattered them across the ground I watched with eyes incapable of seeing their splendorous beauty. My life was suddenly devoid of color and sorrow became my constant companion.

My dearest one, my only love, how I longed to see your face and hear the sound of your sweet voice again. This aching need within me grew as winter approached and with the first snow, the weeping songs from my heart and soul was the only sound to be heard through the cold, lonely nights. Such mourning as this where mind and body engage in a reckless dance of denial, saw me spiraling down through the cracks of reason. All hope was lost; my strength of will weakened from despair as I sank willingly, ready to embrace the void that beckoned. There I remained cocooned from reality until the first blooms burst forth heralding the arrival of spring.

It was a faint whisper; a stirring of the air that roused me from this endless sleep. My eyes finally opened to see life emerging from the ground and in the trees. I felt you then in that precious moment of awareness. I felt you inside me and saw your beauty in the rays of sun shining down on the Earth. Our spirits met in brief communion as I tentatively took my first steps towards the light of this day. Only once did I look back to see what I was leaving behind, because part of you was there; that part of you I yearned for so desperately. And I saw, oh and I felt what my heart had become; a landscape of burning embers.

So now I stand before the door of summer. Rising from the ashes I have come to realize a universal truth, that life goes on year after year, season after season in a continuous cycle of living, death and rebirth. A truth that acknowledges that nothing or no-one truly dies, for while the physical casts off its cloak of form and shape, the spirit lives on within the heart and mind. This is what I now carry inside. Your spirit, your memory, your love, and as I move through each day they will be forever present. The bittersweet memories will always cause me pain but, I cannot deny their existence for you are there within them.

So I will continue with my life and walk through the door of this summer and every one that follows, holding you close, always longing and always loving, until the time comes for me to take that final journey. The one that leads me back to you.

© 2010, Valmai Owens, All Rights Reserved

No reproduction without permission from author.

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