The Man I Really Am



Michael once asked, “Is it Scary for you?” In his powerful lyrics,he was expressing his knowledge that he was indeed a mirror; the mirror for every one of us. He asked if he was the ‘beast ‘we visualized and if so, that’s exactly what he would be. The darkness or light that lives in a soul sees itself clearly in Michael; he becomes who we are inside. The darkness interprets Michael as strange, grotesque, that ghost under the bed, haunting and different. But is he, or is it us? 

Recent events and the approaching trial has opened floodgates of negativity…we all feel it…it’s a living thing palpable in the air; inescapable. We are reluctantly standing on the cusp of a terribly difficult time, one that Rev. Jackson once referred to as a ‘season’ of life. In the warm glow of summer, joy and contentment thrive. Spring is anticipation and promises of personal growth with hope. Autumn’s face is beauty and peace, but winter’s season is cold, hard days…. days when one wishes to pull the covers up and resist greeting a new day. I wonder sometimes how Michael survived his winters of life. As human as each of us, his challenges and tribulations were so difficult and soul searing that we suffer for him even now, with tears of loss and desire for a second chance. 

 

The storm is coming just beyond tomorrow and winds are blowing. One pulls that collar up on a favorite coat and a choice is made. Put the gale at your back and leave this place or turn and face the onslaught, because it’s gathering strength in confusion and lies. Cycles of anger, indignation, disbelief and tears are your fate; it hurts to see love trampled. A life opened to examination once again and we ask, “Does it ever end?” Michael knew the strange, evil ones reflected in his mirror and we know also. We know the faces, words and intentions of the old, familiar ones who return in glee to harm our lost one. And we’ve met the new ones with pressed suits and cutting words; protectors of guilt and deception. We see through fancy titles and dishonest statements of caring. And words lash at us also, as crazies and worshipers with a dab of obsession.

We also know the brave and the bright ones; the ones with voices and a platform who speak our thoughts and pain. We love them, and call them vanguards and heroes because they are. Men and women who knew and know who Michael is… what he and now we stand for. Writers with elegant words and insight who heal the wounds or show us how to place a band aid and move on. Men who fought old battles and men who know what the Hippocratic Oath really means. Those who put truth on paper with lovely photos on hardcover copy. And the many of us with normal lives and busy days who share a vision with Michael, of a better world and healthy, happy children. 

Michael lyrically protested against cruel, fabricated stories that he believed "got the people confused about the man I really am." Carnival sideshows chipped at his pride and humanity. And a wordsmith asked, "How did he stay vertical?" And how do we who love him, come to terms with Michael lying motionless as that new storm approaches? By individual strength and determination, a willingness to withstand barrages of sanctioned bullying on a daily basis and a love made of steely resolve…. all necessary to counter enough hurt to rattle the atoms in a body’s cells. Remember the grace that walked with Michael all those days in 2005? Few knew of the anguish he kept at home while living the faith he had in his Creator’s truth. Can we do less? As Michael’s family surrounded him with unwavering purpose and support during those dark days, we are now asked to do the same as we defend his memory. 

As we continue to keep the faith in truth, some will find strength in spiritual connection and the knowledge that Michael’s hands are present here. Others will find solace in his music and words that continue to inspire and raise up souls. The positive, necessary energy of intention and belief in light overcoming swirling shadow clears minds and opens hearts. Many voices in unity and peaceful expression will bring honor to the man we are here for,  and now speak for and about.

So raise your collars folks. Stormy weather is upon us. The man who is the mirror of souls once boldly sang…”So let the performance start.” It has.

              

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2E6afRhUmE

by Lauren
© 2011. All Rights Reserved.
No reproduction without permission from author.

This article appears in the publication Dot to Dot: Keeping Michael’s Legacy Alive, and its content is the property of the authors and the Michael Jackson Tribute Portrait. Articles and exclusive interviews are copyrighted; therefore there should be no republication without permission. You may email edito@michaeljacksontributeportrait.com with any requests for republication. If permission is given, credit must be given to the author, Dot to Dot: Keeping Michael's Legacy Alive and the Michael Jackson Tribute Portrait.

Walking Down the Road of Justice: A Family United.

Over the last week I have followed Conrad Murray’s pre-trial, as no doubt we all have, with conflicting feelings and thoughts. I thought I had prepared myself mentally and emotionally for the testimony, but I realized that no matter what we did to ready ourselves, it would be futile. The deep wound from losing Michael has re-opened, and really, did it ever close?

For myself, I feel like I have been transported back to those days in 2009, when the shock of Michael’s death was replaced with confusion, questions and anger. Reading the testimony, I have felt myself slipping back into those emotions. Some of the information presented we already knew; some we didn’t, but all of it stabs at our hearts causing pain and grief at the senselessness of his death, and at the injustice that was served to him.

It’s been rough, and it’s going to get rougher in the days and months ahead, but none of us are alone in the way we feel. Why? Because we are more than just fans. We are supporters, soldiers, family; connected to each other, and Michael, through our deep abiding love for a man who was more than just a musical icon. He was our brother. He touched us on a deep, emotional and spiritual level. Nothing can ever change that; nothing! Our support and love for him will remain steadfast, no matter what is presented to us.

Yes, we have all had our differences and still do. We have sometimes walked different paths in our search for the truth; in the way we support and honor Michael, and continue his legacy. We each hold our own theories, questions, and beliefs that perhaps others don’t agree with, but the one thing we all share in common is our love for Michael, and the pain over him being taken from us. And we have proven during the last week that we can indeed put our disagreements aside for a common purpose. Standing as one, praying and working together towards justice for Michael; one voice raised up in his support bringing to the world’s attention the wrongs done and awareness to the disservices rendered to him.

Today we share our happiness over the judge’s decision that Murray stand trial for the involuntary manslaughter of Michael Jackson, and the suspension of his medical license. It is just the beginning in what we hope, pray and believe will be complete justice and vindication for Michael and his name. We must continue the unity we have shown; to stand together and remain strong through all our differences. And when we feel that strength start to wane; the confusion and anger start to surface; the feelings of isolation and pain overwhelm us, remember that just one message, one tweet or phone call, one arm-length away, is a brother or sister who feels the same. Reach out and take their hand; gain strength from each other and know that none of us are alone. We are family, and defenders of Michael’s legacy.

                                         

© Valmai Owens, 2011. All Rights Reserved.
No reproduction without permission from author.